Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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