Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
