Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
