I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
