She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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