SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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