You're so nebulous sometimes
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
