This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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