He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
