One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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