shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
