She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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