So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
