Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
