If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
