I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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