every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
