I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So vagazzling was a success
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