i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
