we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
