Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
His hands were made for my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
