Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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