I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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