I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
