i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
