then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize