my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
