Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
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