I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My penis needs a shock collar
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
