my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
