im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The uberlube is also flammable
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize