4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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