I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
