Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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