I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
