Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
