After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
