I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
wanna go halves on a baby?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
