yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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