he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
