I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
