I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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