Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
