I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
