is your mom at the bar?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
