there's paper in my vomit.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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