You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
