It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
