I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
When did angry sex become our thing?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
