I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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