Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All the doctor said was why
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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