Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize