Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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