I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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