if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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