hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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