I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
