We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
