Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
