I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
