we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
