That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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