And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
