It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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