I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize