My room smells like vodka and shame
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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